Question #6

Joah enquires:

Why does the phone always ring the minute I get into the bath and can't answer it?

And why, if I do get out to answer it, does it end up being a personal loan salesman, but if I don't get out to answer it, it ends up being a really important call?

First, your question is both right and wrong. The phone does always ring the minute you go into the bathroom, but it also does not ring.
Now - in order to explain the answer fully, I would have to use Quantum Electrodynamics with several Feynman Diagrams, but I believe they will be of no use to you, so let's make this simpler, in a form an ordered list:

1. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, a personal loan salesman is calling you.
2. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, someone is calling you about something important.
   
3. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, you are going into a bath and getting a call. You may:
   1. In one universe, take the call.
   2. In another universe, not take the call.
      

This universe contains the best chance of the combinations 1+3.1 and 2+3.2 happening.

Should you fail to understand the above explanation, here's an alternative one: Personal loan salesmen have installed hidden cameras in your bathroom and know when to call and whether you will answer the phone.

Question #5

Aviad enquires:

I can understand why bread always falls on the spreaded side, but how come CDs always jump and bounce and then fall on the data side?

A derivative of Murphy's law dictates that a buttered slice of bread will always fall on the buttered-side down.
It is not common knowledge how compact discs are made. The process of creating a compact disc is a complex process, in which a plastic disc with one side covered in Super Purity Aluminum or, at times, gold. Information is recorded as a series of pits and lands, which are little 'punches' in the aluminum.
In 1993, J. Finagle at Sony Labs reasoned that since the 'burning' of compact discs was a problematic process which used a lot of energy, it would prove wisely to find a matter that could be more easily molded, and arrived at the obvious conclusion that this should be butter. Sony decided to go with Finagle's reasoning and launched the "Blue Book" project, which tried to standardize the use of butter on the data layer of the disc, instead of the more costly aluminum or gold.
Since the success of the "Blue Book" project, all companies have been using butter on the data side, causing a drop in the prices of CD-Burners.

So you see, Aviad, the reason that your discs fall on their data side is because it has butter spread on it, making this certain derivative of Murphy's Law stand.

Question #4

Joah enquires:

I'm not sure how I am writing this, given my illiteracy.
Why do I always end up sitting next to fat people on planes?

You are writing out of the sheer power of will to read my words of wisdom.
Onward to your question: As you and the rest of my readers may not know, there is an invisible force in the universe, known to the laymen as Gravity. The bigger (fatter) the object is, the more it pulls you to it. I have added a diagram I found of a 747's seating arrangement which shows this force in action and added the calculated 'ring' of gravity the person of largeness emits, pulling others towards him/her/it:

Question #3

Joah enquires:

Why can't women read maps? I'm one and I can't.

The answer is quite simple. You may refer to the following diagram:

It shows that, statistically, chances are better for you to be illiterate since you are a woman. Therefore, ergo, ipso facto, we must derive that women do not know how to read, and therefore can not read maps.
Axiom: The fact that you can not read does not contradict the fact that you have just read this answer.

Question #2

Joah enquires:

Why are Apple Mac mice so bloody difficult to use?

This question has been in the wild for far too long and I believe the world is owed the truth about this matter.
You see - the hands of Mac users are unlike the hands of other humans in that they are missing a finger, causing right clicking to be impossible, as seen in the following diagram:

Human hand [left] and Mac-User's hand [other left]

If you wish to some day be able to fully use an Apple mouse, you must first undergo a procedure known in the field of medical science as a Birdotomy, named after the fact that you will never again be able to 'flip [someone] the bird'.

Question #1

Joah enquires:

In a fight between a Transformer and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, who would win?

Ah, a question of high interest, similar to the question of who should be the victor in the struggle between Batman and Superman.
The answer is simple. Please refer to the following diagram:

As you can see, a transformer could crush the puny mutant with its bare foot. On the other hand, the Autobots, as can be ascertained from the original show, are good, and therefore dumb, leading to certain death even in a battle with the common household hamster.
Should this fight be between a Decepticon and a Turtle, the Decepticon will crush the turtle and then siphon it for Energon cubes.

Welcome

Welcome to Ask Omer.
Here I shall bestow my bountiful wit upon the denizens of Earth.
Send me questions and I will answer them.

greetz 2 Joah @ Rants Over A Cup Of Coffee for the idea.