Question #15

Lior enquires:

Why don't the Goyim (people who are not Jewish), have no "Bamba"?

This is not intentional.

The ad campaign for Bamba abroad didn't really turn out so well, when the only customers who actually bought Bamba abroad were from the Jewish community, for some reason. I've added an example of an Ad.

Question #14

Joah enquires:

Why do I always burn chick peas when I boil them?

I will equate this to a simple tale:

There was a woman, we shall call her Noanna. She tried to boil Ful Beans, but didn't use water, so the beans burnt. She then came to a wise man and asked him: "Why do I always burn ful beans when I boil them?" the sage rubbed his chin and answered her: "I will equate this to a simple tale: There was a woman, we shall call her Joanna. She tried to boil chick peas, but didn't use water, so the peas burnt. She then came to a wise man and asked him: "Why do I always burn chick peas when I boil them?" the sage rubbed his chin and answered her: "I will equate this to a simple tale: There was a woman, we shall call her Noanna. She tried to boil Ful Beans, but didn't use water, so the beans burnt. She then came to a wise man and asked him: "Why do I always burn ful beans when I boil them?" the sage rubbed his chin and answered her: "I will equate this to a simple tale: There was a woman, we shall call her Joanna. She tried to boil chick peas, but didn't use water, so the peas burnt. She then came to a wise man and asked him: "Why do I always burn chick peas when I boil them?" the sage rubbed his chin and answered her: "I will equate this to a simple tale ...

I do so hope you can take something from this.

Question #13

Lior enquires:

Why oh why can't we sneeze with open eyes?

This is a simple question of survival of the fittest, according to the theory of evolution. Since the dawn of men, several grave threats have been posed to the human-kind. One of these threats was, as you may have heard from Greek mythology, the Medusas (also known as Jelly Fish).
Unlike the stories you have heard, Medusas were quite the common species. They also looked nothing like the legends, but rather as they do nowadays. The only thing you can relate to the species from the original stories was that once looked on, they immediately turned a human into stone.
As I said before, this is a story of survival of the fittest, so some humans, over time, developed an allergy to Medusas, whose stench spread far and wide, and kept sneezing, all the while keeping their eyes closed, to avoid the horrible stare. To touch a Medusa meant you were to suffer grave pain.

Over the ages, those who had the allergy survived, due to the fact that they had associated sneezing with keeping their eyes closed. Since they couldn't stop sneezing while in the vicinity of Medusas, they did not open their eyes, allowing them to survive yet another day.
Since the attack of the stare was inefficient, the Medusas slowly lost this ability, yet remained with their poisonous sting, which might not kill, but hurts like crap.

Depiction of a Medusa [the hand with the watch] (wow, were they wrong) and Jellyfish (sans ability to turn humans into stone) [the hand with the watch if you're left-handed]

To this day, the acquired habit of sneezing with your eyes closed is embedded in our behavior from birth.

Question #12

Lior enquires:

I must know, why is it when you go to a new place (some girl or a far family) and you have an urge to pee, only then your pee's flow goes in two, very seperate-90 degree between each flow-directions and you end up looking for a rag of toilet paper, and clean up all of the toilet and half of the bathroom?

It would appear your genitals are suffering from a psychological disorder, known as Genitalia Metathesiophobia, or genital fear of changes.
You see, when you go to a new environment, your genitals are afraid and therefore function incorrectly. In order to solve this, you need to work on urinating in new environments, while soothing your genitals with kind words. The healing process is long, but I am certain you will succeed.
There are several support groups to help you with your effort, if you decide you need further help, such as the GMA (Genitalia Metathesiophobics Anonymous).
I wish you all the luck.

Question #11

Tal enquires:

Why in action movies and some TV shows when there's an action packed scene everything suddenly goes "bullet time" or slow motion, just before the entire place goes boom?

The theory of relativity declares that Time, Matter and Energy are interconnected.
Due to the fact that noe of the pre-requirements for most hollywood action-movie director positions have a Master's Degree in Applied Physics, those directors apply the theory in their movies.

This dictates that since the amount of energy and matter changing in a small amount of time, time will stretch around the point of blast to accomodate those changes. This causes the cameras to work faster than the rest of the world, causing the 'slowing' effect.
The Matrix (1999) is an example of a movie which does excellent work with this effect, allowing it to win the 2000 Academy Award for Applied Physics in an Action/Comedy/Variety.

Question #10

Aviad enquires:

How come whenever someone orders something cheaper than usually priced, it is always broken, no matter how legitimate his order was (eBay, discounts, etc).

Your question is the product of a very well socially engineered society. Chances are good that you have never experienced this for yourself (unless it's eBay, in which case - all sellers are bastards), but rather heard of someone else who's been through this. The reason for your question is this:
In order to hike prices, you have to add discounts, coupons, etc.. In order to disparage people from buying at low prices, you must create fear in their hearts about using said discounts. Fear is created through words - spread enough rumors about people buying stuff for cheap and getting fsck'd - and you've got a system that works in your favor.

Question #9

Joah enquires:

Why is it that whenever my computer breaks at work, and I call the IT helpdesk, and an IT helpdesk man comes to help me, does the computer always work in front of the IT helpdesk man but then immediately revert to its original fault as soon as the IT helpdesk man goes back to the IT helpdesk, thinking as he does "What a dumb blonde".

The answer is quite simple. The problem is fixed even before the person from IT walks up to your computer, since he and his coworkers have already fixed the problem online. He now comes only to mock and ridicule you and your colleagues in public. This is a well known practice.

Question #8

Joah enquires:

Why is it that women warriors in role playing games and TV shows (from Wonder Woman on) are always in bikini like clothes, whereas men are clothed in full armour?
I assume it's because women are just stronger and don't need as much protection when they go out to kick ass.

You are, I'm afraid, mistaken. The reason women warriors in RPGs and TV shows are scantly clad is simply because those games and shows are toyetic.
In the efforts of each toy company to outdo the others, market research has shown that female action figures lack a good "Now With [insert verb] Action!", and have decided to set a status-quo and go with a common denominator, as you can see from the following photo of a mint condition Wonder Woman action figure.

Question #7

Joah enquires:

Why is it that whenever I take public transport, I always end up with an insane person sitting next to me?

Since you have had thousands of rides on public transports and the number of insane persons is greatly small in comparison with the general populace, it is not likely that you have sat beside an insane person on each and every trip.
As I do not mock questions, but rather the puny persons asking them, I would have to deduce that you are so sane that you have actually come out the other end of sanity and thusly one must consider each and every person insane in comparison to you.

Question #6

Joah enquires:

Why does the phone always ring the minute I get into the bath and can't answer it?

And why, if I do get out to answer it, does it end up being a personal loan salesman, but if I don't get out to answer it, it ends up being a really important call?

First, your question is both right and wrong. The phone does always ring the minute you go into the bathroom, but it also does not ring.
Now - in order to explain the answer fully, I would have to use Quantum Electrodynamics with several Feynman Diagrams, but I believe they will be of no use to you, so let's make this simpler, in a form an ordered list:

1. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, a personal loan salesman is calling you.
2. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, someone is calling you about something important.
   
3. Every nanosecond, in some alternate universe, you are going into a bath and getting a call. You may:
   1. In one universe, take the call.
   2. In another universe, not take the call.
      

This universe contains the best chance of the combinations 1+3.1 and 2+3.2 happening.

Should you fail to understand the above explanation, here's an alternative one: Personal loan salesmen have installed hidden cameras in your bathroom and know when to call and whether you will answer the phone.

Question #5

Aviad enquires:

I can understand why bread always falls on the spreaded side, but how come CDs always jump and bounce and then fall on the data side?

A derivative of Murphy's law dictates that a buttered slice of bread will always fall on the buttered-side down.
It is not common knowledge how compact discs are made. The process of creating a compact disc is a complex process, in which a plastic disc with one side covered in Super Purity Aluminum or, at times, gold. Information is recorded as a series of pits and lands, which are little 'punches' in the aluminum.
In 1993, J. Finagle at Sony Labs reasoned that since the 'burning' of compact discs was a problematic process which used a lot of energy, it would prove wisely to find a matter that could be more easily molded, and arrived at the obvious conclusion that this should be butter. Sony decided to go with Finagle's reasoning and launched the "Blue Book" project, which tried to standardize the use of butter on the data layer of the disc, instead of the more costly aluminum or gold.
Since the success of the "Blue Book" project, all companies have been using butter on the data side, causing a drop in the prices of CD-Burners.

So you see, Aviad, the reason that your discs fall on their data side is because it has butter spread on it, making this certain derivative of Murphy's Law stand.

Question #4

Joah enquires:

I'm not sure how I am writing this, given my illiteracy.
Why do I always end up sitting next to fat people on planes?

You are writing out of the sheer power of will to read my words of wisdom.
Onward to your question: As you and the rest of my readers may not know, there is an invisible force in the universe, known to the laymen as Gravity. The bigger (fatter) the object is, the more it pulls you to it. I have added a diagram I found of a 747's seating arrangement which shows this force in action and added the calculated 'ring' of gravity the person of largeness emits, pulling others towards him/her/it:

Question #3

Joah enquires:

Why can't women read maps? I'm one and I can't.

The answer is quite simple. You may refer to the following diagram:

It shows that, statistically, chances are better for you to be illiterate since you are a woman. Therefore, ergo, ipso facto, we must derive that women do not know how to read, and therefore can not read maps.
Axiom: The fact that you can not read does not contradict the fact that you have just read this answer.

Question #2

Joah enquires:

Why are Apple Mac mice so bloody difficult to use?

This question has been in the wild for far too long and I believe the world is owed the truth about this matter.
You see - the hands of Mac users are unlike the hands of other humans in that they are missing a finger, causing right clicking to be impossible, as seen in the following diagram:

Human hand [left] and Mac-User's hand [other left]

If you wish to some day be able to fully use an Apple mouse, you must first undergo a procedure known in the field of medical science as a Birdotomy, named after the fact that you will never again be able to 'flip [someone] the bird'.

Question #1

Joah enquires:

In a fight between a Transformer and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, who would win?

Ah, a question of high interest, similar to the question of who should be the victor in the struggle between Batman and Superman.
The answer is simple. Please refer to the following diagram:

As you can see, a transformer could crush the puny mutant with its bare foot. On the other hand, the Autobots, as can be ascertained from the original show, are good, and therefore dumb, leading to certain death even in a battle with the common household hamster.
Should this fight be between a Decepticon and a Turtle, the Decepticon will crush the turtle and then siphon it for Energon cubes.

Welcome

Welcome to Ask Omer.
Here I shall bestow my bountiful wit upon the denizens of Earth.
Send me questions and I will answer them.

greetz 2 Joah @ Rants Over A Cup Of Coffee for the idea.